Saturday, August 9, 2008

the baby step marathon

Here it is, 8:00 on a Saturday morning. The house is void of all shrieking and merriment usually reserved for the three musketeers, because they stayed the night with my mother last night. Baxter is out on a man date with a friend, and I'm here all alone. What do I do, What do I do? I blog of course.

After really considering my future, and spending some time in prayer about what lies ahead of me in the short term, I've decided to take this semester off of school. I've just really gotten in too late to the game with registration and it's too much stress on me right now. Baxter is working way too much for me to even comprehend spending time studying.

My career goals are slightly changing. Do I want to write a book? Yes, I still do. I'm going to keep plugging away at the book I'm writing right now. Do I want to be a Couselor? I don't know. The allure is fading a little bit for me. Having time this summer to chew on what I want to do is making me rethink it. I'm getting a clearer picture of my goals, and it seems like maybe I want to continue this whole writing thing. My short term goal is being able to do freelance work for a magazine, or a newspaper. I have no idea how to go about that. I want to be able to have a lot of flexibility when it comes to being with my family, and I want to have fun. I know for those of you who have gone through this decision with me, I probably seem flaky. I feel flaky. I feel like I'm supposed to have been clear on what I want for myself for about 6 or 7 years now. But I'm not even the same person I was in high school, when I got married, or even when I had my kids (even Ella 2 years ago!). I had lost myself along the way. I had given up on who I was. That's my biggest advice to newlywed women or new mothers. Don't lose yourself when life takes over. I'm constantly discovering new things about myself. Who I am in God's eyes, who I want to be, what my spiritual gifts are...etc. It's all very surreal, and I'm going to waiver. I'll just have to get used to that idea. Baby steps will lead me to the end of the race, so even though I'll falter and fall down, I will not lose faith.

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