Well, it wasn't insomnia

If you'll read my post below, you'll notice that I didn't want to go to sleep on Friday night. I'm usually eager to fall into a REM cycle,but not that night. I finally went to sleep around 12:45, but woke at about 1:30 with the feeling of "uh oh" "something is about to go horribly wrong here." I got violently ill. I spent all day yesterday in a sickly haze of trips to the bathroom. As my good friend's fiance says, I did plenty of "calling the dinosaurs" (vomiting). I spent all day today in bed watching horribly written lifetime movies. (I haven't done that since i was 20.) So now, I'm starting to get my sea legs again. I'm not quite myself, but I have to declare myself well. I can't stay in bed any longer. My back hurts.

P.S. Thanks to our friends who graciously took the girls while Baxter was enduring the 30 hour famine. :)

creative insomnia

baxter's at the church at a lock-in and I'm here alone. it's 11:44 p.m. and I can't sleep. I'll regret it tomorrow, but for now, here's some thought candy from me.

Close my eyes and let me dream,
of what my heart just wants to scream
And I just don't have the answers now,
before we take our final bow

Why does this silence echo in my head,
there's this hunger that cannot be fed.
It's all that I can take,
just how much more till I break?

Revive me,
Revive me,
Revive me.

These clouds are drifting away,
I always chase them and hope that they'll stay.
It's never what's lost,
but what's found,
they say it's never too late to turn it around

Revive me,
Revive me,
Revive me.

Fin

*I have no idea what I just wrote. Time for bed.

mish-mash

here are a few pictures that aren't related, but are cute nonetheless. Note the static hair in the sleepover picture. :)

A random List

Something I stole from another blog I read. Yes, it's shameless. I'm going to leave out some questions that I find inappropriate for public knowledge.



1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
The credit card bill. It reminds me of how stupid we were with money at one time.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Is it sad that I can't remember the last time we even went out to dinner by ourselves?.

3.

4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
This one's hard. I would've finished school the first time around

5. Name of your second grade teacher?
Mrs. Rhodes

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
laying on a beach

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A music teacher

8. How many colleges did you attend?
3

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
it's cute. Holly and I got it when we went shopping last week.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would it be?
Montana. (of course I'd bring the fam). but I want to live in the country, darn it!

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
there was no alarm. I got up 30 minutes late!

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
"here comes the storm"

14.What do you miss about being a child?
living a simple worry free life

16. What errand/chore do you despise?
cleaning the bathroom.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
you don't have to be unemployed to volunteer.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
sleep in every day.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
I'm liking phineas and ferb.

20. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
have an actual conversation about more than poop and soccer.

21. Have you found real love yet?
Yes.

22. When did you start feeling old?
when I didn't know half of the stuff on the radio.

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
smoked chicken

25. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
milk

26. Beach or lake?
Beach.

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No, but I wish it was taken more seriously.

28. Do you own property?
Yes.

29. Favorite Guilty pleasure?
gossip mags.

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out?
if i didn't want anyone to find out, why would I blog it?
my favorite movie was, is and always will be, Dirty Dancing.

31. What's your drink?
Diet Dr. Pepper

32. Cowboys or Indians?
horses.

33. Cops or Robbers?
Eh.

34. Who from high school would you like to run in to?
Michelle Henry

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
94.9 klty

37. Grey's Anatomy or The Office?
the office

38. Worst relationship mistake you wish you could take back?
i haven't made any mistakes that I would take back. I've moved on.

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Glenn Beck

41. Indoors or Outdoors?
Depends on my mood.

42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
oh, um, no...

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No.

44. Last book you read?
Financial Peace

45. Do you have a teddy bear?
I have a Winnie the Pooh

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
the woods

47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
I've never really thought about it. I guess Baja.

48. Do you go to church?
it's kind of mandatory for the wife of a youth pastor. But i'd go anyway. 'Tis awesome.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
definitely a new career.

50. How long have you been out of school?
still going.

Encouragement

This is for you. You know who you are.

It's ok. At least now you know that this is something that you're definitely ready for, and you can finally start planning. I know that when this happens, everyone involved will be so blessed. Right now, I'm praying for you. We've known all our lives that this is who you were meant to be, and so, of course, now that it's time and you're ready, life will never be the same. Just take this past week as a test of emotions. You now know what you want now. Go get it!

And you are so loved.

Back in business

After a long and emotionally challenging week without a computer, I'm finally back in blog mode. Hopefully I'll have an opportunity to write a few in the next couple of days.
Till then, keep it real.

ha

Buster and the adventure!

We have a retreat coming in May. Here's the promo. It's worth the watch!

Worth a thousand

Taylor was unavailable for this photo shoot...or I would have her mug up as well.

Help me, please?

I'm really at a crossroads right now and I want to decide what path to take. So, of course, here I am on the internets(it's a redneck joke people) asking for your help. I'm really being pulled in the direction of just taking off and writing a book this summer. If it goes well, I might just change the direction of my education. But first, I need to know (a) do I have what it takes (b)do I have the moxy (3) is this just going to be one of those things that I do for a while and forget about when it gets boring or hard. So, to test out my skillz, I'm going to just write and impromptu exerpt from an impromptu story and you can read it now, later, or just navigate away. If you find yourself reading and like it, or don't like it for that matter, please leave me a comment. Por Favor?

(No title)

She just knew that there were better years ahead of her. It just killed her inside to think of herself still living in this tiny little decrepid town 10 years from now. Most people who lived in Ashville, worked at the mill, or at Cheri's Hair after graduation. They went about their lives, never knowing what was reaching out to them from beyond their small town existence. No, she wouldn't be here much longer. She was determined to get accepted to an out of state college. She knew it was her destiny and had to find a way to get out. Maybe she'd just leave in the middle of the night and hitch a bus to who knows where. She had $275 dollars saved up. That could get her pretty far...
"Hey, can I please get some coffee now, Dixie, or are you going to stare out that window all day?" She jolted to reality. Sometimes she forgot that she was spending her senior year working two jobs to pay rent because her father couldn't let go of the bottle, and her mother had let go of her sanity a long time ago. "Sure, Benny, I'm sorry." she said as she poured him a fresh cup. Her shift at the diner was almost over and she knew that soon, she'd have to change and freshen up for her job down at the convenience store. Some days, when her thoughts couldn't keep her sane any more, she'd take a walk down by the lake after work. She'd slip her shoes off, and walk in the thick grass letting it's coolness soothe the tired feet that had been holding her up all day. It'd be dark then, and she could lift her face to the sky and accept the wind's gentle caress on her cheeks and in her hair. She'd take a few minutes to stare into the moonlit sky, and breathe in the smell of honeysuckle, and listen to the wimperwills call back and forth. Then she'd put her heavy shoes back on and head for her white two story prison on the corner and fall dead to the world for just another 4 hours before waking to submit to the terrors and trials of high school.

*this story is just something I made up. I haven't written anything further.

what just happened here?

Racism and cheesecake

Over the weekend I had the pleasure of hanging out with one of my very best buddies, Holly. I will talk about that later. I want to talk about a "what would you do" situation for the moment.

Holly and I and another friend went to the cheesecake factory for dinner on Saturday night and were unexpectedly joined by two more people ( I hadn't known them before). They were not friends of my or Holly's. During the course of the evening, racial slurs were used over and over by these two guys. I could only drop my jaw in disgust and wonder why in the world I was still sitting there silently. I tried my best to just ignore them and talk to Holly. I'm just shocked because I never have heard words like these used (moreover in a very public place). These two men (boys) should have known better, not only because they are human, but because they live a lifestyle thats typically hated against by many ignorant people. I'll let you figure that one out. So, If you know me at all, you're thinking "Not only did she sit with two new people during dinner, she listened to them speak loudly when they used the N word over and over again". I'm surprised I didn't die of mortification and impotent rage right there.

So, what would you do in that situation. I probably, no, I definitely should have said something. And now I'm mad that I didn't.

Wake up, you dummy! Part II

God is so good.

I'm awake now, God. Thank you.

I won't go into specifics, but God, yet again, came through today in a major way. No one can tell me He's not faithful to us, no one.

If you'd like to know what happened, email me.

Did you hear the news?

Last night on Charlie Rose, climatologist (ha) Ted Turner announced that unless we resolve climate change, we will be living in 8 degree higher weather and eating each other for sustenance in 30 to 40 years! Wow, you learn something new every day. :)

Wake up, you dummy!

Malachi 3:10
Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. "Test me in this", says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."

So, yes, I'm the dummy. I go through my whole existence stangling myself, while trying to maintain the illusion of control. "Why can't we afford to pay our debt down sooner?" "Why are we alway struggling during the last week of the month?" "Why do we have to live in the beater house for the next 5 years?"

We finally gave in, and we tithed our budgeted amount this month. I think it's the first month we've actually given what we've pledged to God since Baxter started his new job. Isn't that horrible? God has proven to us again and again that he will provide for us, and we can't even give Him back what he is due. Anyway, He blessed us again. We didn't have the money in the bank when we tithed it, we didn't know where in the world it was going to come from, but we gave with joy. Here's the kicker. Later this week, Baxter's boss just comes up to him and just randomly gives him DOUBLE the amount we just tithed.. Amazing isn't it? But here's the part I'm ashamed of. This whole week, I've been thinking, "wow, what an amazing boss Baxter has, and what a great job Baxter must have been doing at work", not once until tonight did I even realized what happened. I should have been thinking "wow, what an amazing God I have, and how faithful He is to us!" It just hit me like a ton of bricks, and I am so renewed with faith, and ashamed of what I missed at the same time. It's kind of a weird place for me to be at this point.

But, bottom line, God is good, I apologized, He FORGIVES, and we move on.

Amen