I don't know if I'll ever be past the stage in my life where I constantly doubt myself. Is it normal, or am I just neurotic? There's nothing more frustrating to my husband than when I assail him with a barage of questions as to how he thinks I'm doing. Me: "How was dinner, honey?" Him: "Great" Me: " Are you sure, because it didn't show in your face that you were really enjoying it while you were eating." Him: "It was great, really!" Me: "I'm not sure you really liked it." Him: (sighs)
Me: "What do you think of this picture, honey?" Him: "Good, really Good!" Me: "Are you sure, you didn't even look at it for very long..." Him: "I didn't have to, it's great!" Me: I don't know, it probably needs more work" Him: (sighs loudly and rolls eyes)
Me: "Honey, How does the house look?" Him: "It looks great, Honey" Me: "You didn't say anything when you came home" Him: I haven't even come all the way in the house yet" Me: "Well, I'm sure if it was really great, you would have already noticed" Him: "What can I make for dinner?"
I do this to my friends too, although I will readily admit to them that I have an issue and need constant affirmation. They handle it in stride (probably because I take the bulk of it out on my poor husband)
Sooner or later he tells me like it is, that I'll never believe anything he says unless I start having confidence in myself. I don't know why I have this issue. I was alway loved and supported, and have always been given plenty of encouragement. It's just something in my psychie that makes me ridiculous.
Right now, I'm having to push aside all my doubt and surge forward professionally. I feel very confident in my abilities in what I do, and business is starting to really pick up. It's so exciting, but the better I feel about something, the more doubts that creep in. My inner dialogue is terrible and I'm having to stop and shut myself up. I compare myself to some peers, I compare my work with theirs and wonder why I'm not as busy as they are. I am my own worst enemy. How do I stop this vicious cycle. I'm starting to think that I should just use these thoughts and succeed just to spite them.
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