I don't know if I'll ever be past the stage in my life where I constantly doubt myself. Is it normal, or am I just neurotic? There's nothing more frustrating to my husband than when I assail him with a barage of questions as to how he thinks I'm doing. Me: "How was dinner, honey?" Him: "Great" Me: " Are you sure, because it didn't show in your face that you were really enjoying it while you were eating." Him: "It was great, really!" Me: "I'm not sure you really liked it." Him: (sighs)
Me: "What do you think of this picture, honey?" Him: "Good, really Good!" Me: "Are you sure, you didn't even look at it for very long..." Him: "I didn't have to, it's great!" Me: I don't know, it probably needs more work" Him: (sighs loudly and rolls eyes)
Me: "Honey, How does the house look?" Him: "It looks great, Honey" Me: "You didn't say anything when you came home" Him: I haven't even come all the way in the house yet" Me: "Well, I'm sure if it was really great, you would have already noticed" Him: "What can I make for dinner?"
I do this to my friends too, although I will readily admit to them that I have an issue and need constant affirmation. They handle it in stride (probably because I take the bulk of it out on my poor husband)
Sooner or later he tells me like it is, that I'll never believe anything he says unless I start having confidence in myself. I don't know why I have this issue. I was alway loved and supported, and have always been given plenty of encouragement. It's just something in my psychie that makes me ridiculous.
Right now, I'm having to push aside all my doubt and surge forward professionally. I feel very confident in my abilities in what I do, and business is starting to really pick up. It's so exciting, but the better I feel about something, the more doubts that creep in. My inner dialogue is terrible and I'm having to stop and shut myself up. I compare myself to some peers, I compare my work with theirs and wonder why I'm not as busy as they are. I am my own worst enemy. How do I stop this vicious cycle. I'm starting to think that I should just use these thoughts and succeed just to spite them.
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1 comment:
Amy-kins...when you are feeling those crazy thoughts creep in take some time to read Psalm 139 and see just how wonderful God thinks you are...and really think about that...serious...stop, and think about it :) I feel this way at times and someone once told me when I think so poorly of myself its like I'm giving God a good slap in the face for creating me the way he did (with the abilities, talents, etc that I have)...ummm, ouch! Now I find that if I refresh my mind in His Word and remember what He says is true about me and then honestly pray for His help and consciously take negative thoughts "captive" it has helped to curb those nasty thoughts that Satan would love to use to distract us from serving and loving others to the glory of God. I have also found asking myself where am I finding my identity (my kids, my talents, my home, my husband, etc or in Christ alone??)...and I know I am truly resting in my identity in Christ when I am not so concerned about what other people think...just Him :) and it all kind of overflows from there. Sorry for such a long response...I definitely have felt exactly what you are going through and know how easy it is for me to fall back into self-doubt so I thought I would share some things that the Lord has used in my life. I love you lady!! and miss you bunches :)
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