Gym Etiquette

For many of us who frequent the gym, we know the basic rules of what to do (and not to do) at the gym. Don't forget to wipe down your machine when you're through with it (sweaty swine flu). Don't wear light grey workout pants...(if you don't know, just don't do it). Don't put your mouth on the water fountain spiget (drool, slobber, and cooties). Don't wear perfume, or cologne (gag, and barf, I love the word barf, btw.).

However, I guess there are a few unspoken rules that need to be put out there. I will perform this task with a sense of duty and honor. I have observed these infractions just this week.

1. Do not use a treadmill to stretch (especially if you are wearing spandex). Please do not hike your leg up on the side of the apparatus and lunge. It is very distracting and disconcerting to runners behind and beside you. I almost tripped and slid off the back of my treadmill around mile 4 while trying to avert my eyes. There are stretching machines in the back of the gym for a reason. Use them.

2. While I appreciate the thoughtfulness of you putting on underwear to workout, I would rather not be alerted to the fact that you are wearing a large black thong. Please find some pants that stay up, or a shirt that stays down. You choose. I would rather not have to see that, or the college age guys flagging each other down to point and laugh... Maybe I should have mentioned something to you, but you were two rows up, and I didn't feel like yelling. Just put it away, k? Thanks.

3. I know you think that multitasking is efficient and wonderful, but could you wait fifteen minutes to call your friends on the cell phone? I don't really feel priviledged to know what happened at the kegger two weeks ago, although i do realize the eliptical machine might do wonders for your beer gut. Tell Bubba about it later.

4. Deoderant is a must. Period.

5. If you are waiting for a weight machine, don't hover over me like a vulture. It puts pressure on me (and goodness knows I already feel pressure to hurry and get the heck out of the overly testosterone scented area of the gym). I'll stand up and walk away when I'm done, You'll know

Okay, those are some tips for anyone who might be working out in my general vicinity. Take them to heart, and do them with pride.

p.s. It's not polite to pass gas while in public. (sit up slip ups will be overlooked).