There's no time

I've been ruminating on some things that I'd like to share (of which I won't go into specifics on, is that a theme here? if you've been in my close circle for a while it shouldn't be hard to figure out, if not, well, just take these words as a big picture focus on forgiveness and healing).

There's no time to hold on to grudges against people that you once loved so much, but hurt you so deeply. When it feels like the end of a friendship it's supposed to hurt. There may have just been a silent goodbye over email, or a big blow up confrontation, or maybe both, but really it doesn't matter. You may be in a constant state of purgatory, wondering if you'll ever speak to them again because you really have been through a lot together and this person crosses your mind at least once a day and you truly miss them. There's no time to feel anger or bitterness over hurtful words and actions. Healing comes with acceptance that things may never be the way they were, and you may never be the same person you were and being okay with that. I know that I will carry the laughter and tears, and heartache and joy that was a part of me for so long with me until I really can let go. I'm not there yet. It's okay to be sad, but it's better to open your arms for a hug, rather than cross them to protect yourself. In the big picture of our infinitely small time on earth, there's no time, like the present.

Aunt Mimi

I am a proud aunt. My baby sister had a baby on December 2nd 2009. I was woken around 4:30 a.m. on Wednesday to my sister's very distinctive cat ringtone (I call her Kitty), so I immediately knew what was coming. Her water had broken, and she was heading to the hospital. I, of course, was calm, cool, and collected as I gathered my things into my bag. I didn't even freak out, and i got on the road within 45 minutes of her call. I definitely did not speed to Arkansas drving 90 miles an hour to get to her, and I didn't make it in 4 hours and 45 minutes when the usual time is about 5 and a half hours...

So, when I got there we had plenty of time to wait. Little did we know that Miss Leah was going to stay put until around 8:00 when the doctor determined that a c-section it would be. Luckily for me, Kristen's husband gets squeamish and I got to go in the operating room! At 8:39 p.m. Leah Belle was born. I held and squeezed Kristen's hand, and got to hold the baby first! (this is something that I look forward to holding over Kitty's head, and reminding to Leah when she needs to remember who her favorite Aunt is). I was able to stay and help Kristen and her hubby out for a few days after that and tutor my sister in the art of breastfeeding. I just realized this week that I have actually spent over 2 years of my life breastfeeding. It was very helpful to remember all the little details this week. They are all doing wonderfully and I am so happy for them. I get to snuggle with her again in about 3 weeks for Christmas. My Leah Belle.

Here's her birth video. It would have been longer had I not been in the operating room, but check out this gorgeous face. :)

Wool socks and Sandals

Ho Ho Ho. My tree is up, the stockings are hung with care, and of course everyone (except kayleigh) has been somewhat sick within the last two weeks. Me? I spent Thanksgiving day at my parents. I was there, but I was laying in the fetal position fighting off the nausea. I was thankful for rest. :) I've spoken many times about just expecting the months of November through March to be a time of constant sickness for our family and this has proven to be the case this year. That's okay. I know that there are people going through things a lot worse than we are right now. I can handle a little puke and mucus.

I went Christmas shopping while wearing flip flops on Sunday. Of course, the cold front came in after I left the house for church (flip flops in church? yes our church rolls like that) and after church, my mother in law and I decided to go to an outdoor mall in the ensuing downpour (yep, still wearing the flip flops). I've also spoken quite a bit about my hobbit feet, yet I don't think you can actually get the picture of them until you've seen me trudging through the puddles and 50 degree weather in hot pink flip flops. Now that it's actually December, I'll put the flip flops in the back of my closet, but I'm not sure I'll be able to keep them there. This is Texas and our weather is another kind of frightful. I might pair them with a set of wool socks the next time I go out shopping and see what kind of spectacle I can stir up.