Butterfly

I've been wanting to write this post for a few weeks. Every time I come to the computer I get distracted. I am never in one place too long these days (unless I am editing photos).

This post is about self reflection. I think back to the person I was 10 years ago(20, and pregnant whoa!) and am just amazed at who I have become. In some ways I am still so much like the shy, reclusive, sugar craving, neurotic that I used to be.

I am still shy. When I meet you, I barely speak. I listen but make almost no comment. I think I am still damaged from growing up in a small town school full of girls who thought they were royalty. (If we went to school together, let me just welcome you, Your Highness. I hope your redneck subjects are treating you well.)
I was always out of my element and I guess I am afraid I still have no place in the clique-esque world we live in. You know what they say though, it's the quiet ones you should worry about. If we hit it off, I never shut up.

I order food now. Seriously ( I know there are others of you out there, so don't judge me). If we would go out anywhere, I would not order through the drive through I would not call and order pizza, and I would almost always make my husband/boyfriend order at restaurants. I'm just a freak. I have no idea how to explain this one. I still feel the hesitancy when it's time to order, but am able to push through it. I think it's just part of growing up.

I try to think if any of my ideas about my faith have changed. I feel closer to God now, and I find it easier to put grace in place of judgement. My desire for a stronger relationship with my savior grows stronger every day. There's so much more, but this is a different post altogether.

I'm much more conservative now. I have always been very conservative, but now I just see so much more hurt and damage in the things of this world. I constantly try to block it out. Becoming a mom, and living a life of ministry are definitely the catalysts for this change.

Music. What in the world is on the radio these days. I couldn't tell you 38 of the top forty songs. I used to know them all. My world today is country,soft rock, classic rock, and contemporary christian music. I have officially become my mother (who actually knows who Gwen Stefani is, so maybe I'm not even as cool as her).

I'm 30lbs lighter. My lifestyle no longer revolves around late night pizza, and ice cream for breakfast. I do alot more working out and a lot less television watching as well. Go me.

What can i say. I'm a butterfly. There is still the hint of who I used to be, but I think I've blossomed for the better. I wonder what I will say about who I am ten years from now. How have you changed in the past ten years?



(Okay, so this was 11 years ago, but close enough!)

Go fly a kite!

We had such a great time with the strong winds yesterday. We took a spur of the moment trip to a kite flying hill.

The trip was topped off by two of the girls stepping in fire ant mounds. Of course. I will choose to remember the fun.

11 years

Seems like just yesterday I was writing an anniversary blog. Time is flying by too fast these days. It has been 11 years (as of September 25) that I have been a married woman. I tell people that, and they look at me like I should have white hair and arthritis. We were just two silly kids when we got married at 19, and now we have the benefit of experience while still being young and cool...

I remember my wedding day just like it was yesterday. I have to admit, I had absolutely no idea what I was signing up for. All I knew was that I loved this boy, and he loved me, and that we would "conquer the world with our love"...

Boy, was I an idiot. I would not go back and change anything, mind you, but I definitely did not understand the level of work that goes into a marriage. We have endured struggles financially, physically, and mentally. Not without a lot of learning how to communicate have we turned into the team we are today. Some of the arguments that we have had would have been prime candidates for reality t.v.
(Like the time I grabbed the wheel of the car while he was driving because he wasn't listening to me, not my finest moment)

I have to say that after 11 years, we are strong, and we are just as in love today as those 19 year old idiots, but with maturity and a knowledge of what it takes to be married.

As for what the future has in store for us, I don't know what road we'll walk, but it will be walked hand in hand. :)

Miss me?

You should, because it has been too long since I have come here to post. Sure, I post on my workout blog some, and my photography blog some, but here... No, I have been a bad mommy blogger.

What's new with us?

It has been a fun and uneventful summer for the girls. My spoiled little princesses had their vacations, and swimming, and trips to the library. For me, this summer has been spent in a fog. I have had a hard time motivating myself to (1). workout (2). stay awake (3). serve a purpose. The reason is a very annoying thyroid problem. I am severely hypothyroid (not the one where you miraculously lose weight and are hyper all the time). Oh no, I have the thyroid issue where your body basically slows to a crawl. Sleepy, depressed, and packin' on the pounds, My summer in a nutshell. I have made myself participate in things that the children will like because I love them and want them happy, but as far as things that I know i should enjoy (working out, going outside, blogging, etc.) I have just not had the energy. I expect to be back in the swing of things in a few weeks, then watch out!

As for any other new developments around here, I'll just go down the list of a few.

*My oldest is obsessed with tween spy novels and wants to work for the CIA when she grows up. If she can learn to keep a secret, she will do well.

* My middle child learned to tie her shoes. I taught her, and we were both proud of ourselves. If I can get her to wash her own hair, I can call her independent.

* My baby got her ears pierced. She told everyone she knows at least five times. She's impressed with herself.

* WE GOT NEW FLOORS! We finally saved up enough to put new floors in. After pulling up the former homeowners carpet we discovered why the vacuum was coughing at us. There was enough built up dust underneath them to build sandcastles (or dustcastles) all over the house. ICK! I'm so glad that nasty stuff is gone. I love my floors!

I hope all my readers are having a great end to their summer, and I promise I'll come back soon and post about all the fun stuff we are doing.

How was your summer?

4 year old Bean

Today we celebrate Ella's 4th birthday.

Ella is wild, she never sits still, she yells even when she's just talking about something as mundane as cereal. I could not imagine life without her. As she lay beside me this morning after her early morning wake up call, I listened to a rare moment of her peaceful rhythmic breathing and reflected on the day of her birth.

It was a normal pregnancy (although I did have gestational diabetes), a normal delivery, and I expected there to be no complications. She was whisked away to the nicu right after birth, however, and stayed there for 7 days because her lungs hadn't developed fully. From what I hear, this is fairly normal for babies of moms with gestational diabetes. It rocked our world though. We were a mess. We walked around in a sad stupor for that first week, and after she came home, she was never put down. I now fully accept responsibility for her all too independent personality. She's had it with the coddling and she wants to be on her own!

She paints walls with primer after we have just finished the last coat. She applies nail polish and makeup to her legs, arms, face and the carpet. She tries to put together meals for herself (much to the satisfaction of the dog). If she can't reach something, she tries to rig a ladder out of books, boxes, and toys. She likes to call strangers via cell phone and have conversations with them. We like to say we supervise her enough to help prevent the major destruction of our property, but there are never enough eyes around here, to be honest. I'm hoping that with age, her sense of indpendence will guide her as we try and train her up to have common sense as well.

Ella has been the best surprise/blessing/gift I have ever received. I thank God for her chaos everyday (well, almost everyday).

Happy Birthday, Ella!

I've added a blog

I'm a mom, but I'm also an "athlete". I use that term loosely. I'm going to continue to use this blog to tell stories about my crazy/dysfunctional family, but I've also started a "fitness" blog. Come read it!

http://desertthedessert.blogspot.com/

Summer Daze

The girls left for a vacation to the farm in Arkansas where my husband's parents live. They were gone for about 2 weeks. I spent these weeks doing a whole lot of NOTHING! Well, not exactly nothing...

I slept.

I ate out. A LOT.

I took newborn pictures of Levi.

I went to Six Flags with my Bethany.

I slept some more.

I did dishes, twice. (that's how much we ate out!)

Oh, and I got this...

It says Selah, and you can read it both ways. It hurt, and I love it. :)